Monday Meal: Paradise City

Once again my humble little Voss St sanctuary off Bethnal Green Road is littered with junk. Which in turn brings in the disgusting pigeons who shit everywhere. And the dirty surviving rats from the black plague are also attracted to something other than their regular baked beans and eels. It is just filthy, but I wouldn't have it any other way!

Wednesday Wing: Chicken Soup

I recently had the whole of London Fields round for dinner and wanted to serve some choice chicken leg cuts a la these Bin Bones. I'd fed them to my nana and she has more vitality than ever and says her hip hasn't stirred since then either. But I went back to the halal trash and all I could find was this chicken soup. The ringworm noodles were an inspired addition. Bon appetite...

Thursday Thigh: Radical Council

With winter fast approaching, Tower Hamlets has an ingenious plan to halt the icy danger on our roads. Fuck salt grit they said; it's expensive and in short supply. The plan now is to just dump late-night chicken junk all over the road in the hope it'll freeze in place and make y'all slow down. Peeing and dumping on our streets is now legal between November and March. Hallelujah!

Thursday Thigh: Notting Hill Carnival

If there is anywhere in London chicken bones will be rife for a party, it's Notting Hill Carnival. It's really the only reason to go apart from getting shot, stabbed or to have a quick acid shower. These little carnival goers are hot toeing it with the best floats and parade people like they own the event. The top shot shows the lengths these bones will go to to make the carnival a memorable event. Thanks to avid boner kittydonks for risking her bones to get these lush snaps.

Friday Feast: Pilgrimage to Maccas

There is a cross-european bone fight happening. There are only a few followers at this stage, but these London bones are making the trip to Berlin to picket outside McDonalds. The reason for this sacred trip: Ronald has the bone monopoly in Germany. McWings are the only fried chicken in Deutschland, and these protesters want a fair deal for chicken lovers. They are currently in the Chunnel, so all you French bones meet them at the other end and join the chooky communist conga and make your took-tooks heard.

Tuesday Treat: 3D Bones

These kids are practising for their audition for Step Up 3D. They got the moves, the turf, and the look. But unfortunately they lost out to a z-grade bone. Cassie-the-brown-poo-rock-lobster from Home and Away. Don't let it get you down bones. Pirahana 3D is out soon, and I'm sure there are ample bone extras needed for that.

Monday Meal: Bonefiti

Shoefiti is an age old tradition, harking back to the golden days of drug use. Apparently it designated a crack house was in the vicinity, and one fable says it even symbolised heroin use: once you inject your first hit, you can never 'leave'. Well I have discovered the next big thing in 'fiti': bonefiti. The act of throwing your bones atop a bus shelter. It signifies an A-grade chicken dealer is at the next stop. I guess there must also be a Pasta Hut coming up here too. Now you know why the streetside seats on the double-deckers are always full...