Monday Meal: Paradise City

Once again my humble little Voss St sanctuary off Bethnal Green Road is littered with junk. Which in turn brings in the disgusting pigeons who shit everywhere. And the dirty surviving rats from the black plague are also attracted to something other than their regular baked beans and eels. It is just filthy, but I wouldn't have it any other way!

Saturday Salmonella: Crack Gypsies Meth Emporium

This is the East Ends best kept secret. Every Friday the 13th, the Crack Gypsies sell all their little precious keepsakes. This is one of their popup stalls, and you'll find them any where between E2 and E9. There are some hell rare goodies on offer in this junkie's skunk wheeler. Bags and coats for the ladies, plenty of latenight thirst quenching drinks and some of the best food you'll find this side of Grange Hill. Haggle away, just don't get stuck with a needle as you rifle through looking for that one-off piece of magic.

Wednesday Wing: Squished Family Pack

This is far and away the best smushed meal I've come across. It's picture perfect, but a real shame, as there is probably some horrible story associated with it. I'm guessing either crutchman beat up a kid taking home his families dinner for some meth shrazza, or there was a hit an run which went awry. Maybe the chicken was the reason for the homicide. Jealousy perhaps? Either way, I should have drawn a chalk line around it, and then had a feast...

Tuesday Treat: Gutter Gang

It's just getting ridiculous now. There is always a ciggie butt or five around every pile of abandoned chicken scraps. Smoking and wings must be like Romeo and Juliet; an unrequited love of all street wise kids these days. The carwash flyer is a strange addition to the junk though. Maybe it was so greasy, a cut and polish with a bonus fragrant tree hanger was the only way to freshen up before hittin' the clubs looking for real breasts and boxes? The 'CHICK' sign alerted me to this debris.

Friday Feast: Bin Dinner

There is so much to take in from the this shot. This is better than standing in line at the Colonels crack den perusing his menu. Do you want the worst coffee in the world to swish in your mouth with your chicken meal? Or go the healthy option? I know I want a Mr. Freeze for desert to fuck up my sensitive, rotting, meth teeth. Thats a given...

Thursday Thigh: Grandma Bone

Any of you prudish twats who complain this isn't a valid bone think about this for a sec: There is clearly a bone of some description, some wrinkly seasoned skin, a few thighs and breasts (?!?) too and to top it off a crusty old street box. It could actually be a bucket, but I haven't been to the site to check the g-snatch out up close. And to top it off this is the scene of this fine snack crime y'all enjoyed a few weeks ago. Happy eating out...

Monday Meal: Pigeon Shit Box

Pigeon's are actually picky scabs. There is one scout per block that trolls their beat for food for the rest of the clan. A green shit on a box means GO. This is the 'safe' code for the scraps/bones. A white shit signals proceed with caution. A red shit means someone needs to shoot that AIDS riddled rat with wings.

Saturday Salmonella: Bones on the Bus

This is the most fucking beautiful sunrise I have EVER seen. The Thames never looked so good from the bus, especially when you get the stench of chicken meal dregs, and not the river. Whoever ate this is obviously new to the game. They used a fork, and there is only the one tiny bone. What part of poultry even is that? I've put the source of the meal down to 'Chicken Coop' or 'Jerk Station', both on the bus route. All aboard the N35, calling all stops to obesity...

Friday Feast: Just Chicken?

This drunken feaster obviously didn't want any potato carbs before bed. There is literally a whole chicken, cut in six and gnawed straight off the bone here. I don't know about you, but I'm a healthy fried chicken connoisseur. I never order straight chicken, how ridiculous would that be. A fruity drink and at least a side of chips and 'slaw are the minimum for a round, 3 outta 5-a-day kinda meal. This is why the obesity epidemic is rife, not enough processed veggie sides.

Thursday Thigh: Soggy Box

MMM...We did need the rains, even if it means the streets are full of wet boxes. This looks like a classic 3-piece meal, hold the drink. Most likely blown out of the greasy hands of the drooling eater, as it seems barely touched, and the saucey chips in the middle haven't all been devoured . You've always got room for saucey chips.

Wednesday Wing: Chip Mutiny

This is the most serious day in the history of chicken drummer's since the Colonel set up shop. The chips are holding a mutiny. Apparently they are sick of the chicken smell overpowering their boxes, and chips are in the majority in any box meal. Their qualms are they only like to be smothered in ketchup, gravy, and mayonnaise and be eaten out of fishy boxes. This could spell the end for BonesEast. I hope the overnight summit meeting at FCKF can resolve the tension. Check back tomorrow...

Saturday Salmonella: Fine Bones

Its socially acceptable to dump you meal dregs all over the streets, but doggie plops are ILLEGAL as. Maybe owners of chicken eaters need to follow them around with a bag. This should become a compulsory lesson in schools. I'm not sure whether these offenders cars and houses are full of bones, or if the art of bone gnawing is just a street kinda thang. Bones do leave the same kinda mess as pup slops: a sweaty mark, ants and something that tastes and looks like shit.

Thursday Thigh: After School Snack

I love a healthy after school snackbox. Perfect to fill that void left by the smush they serve up in schools these days. Real potatoes and free range chicken. Nothing artificial here; even the ketchup is made by cats stomping on vine tomatoes out the back of the sanitized, cockroach free chicken shop. Actually that was I dream I had. Remember kids: Littering is IN.

Wednesday Wing: Healthy Bone

Does fruit ever come as part of a greasy chicken combo? Really? No fucking way, that's the opposite morals from what the greasy chicken is trying to achieve in the east. I'd say this banana peel is some sort of organic food preacher, dragging his lil' wrinkly skin around the streets handing out the '5-a-day Health Eating Habits Bible' from the first whiff of chicken at dawn, til he needs a cup of tea at bout 3. He also aims to cut bone's smoking habits by a third. Food Power!

Tuesday Treat: Box of Bones.

I've never seen any of those sucky tween Twilight films, and never will. But I gather this scene sums it all up. Like the movie, the chicken is the cheapest and worst quality. Secondly there are 2 bones trying to get in this dirty street corner box. Sorry loser vampires, her box is full, haven't you read the last book? Hopefully her starchy box getting boned will put a smile on her hot sourpuss face.